By Dr. Z
People tend to view conflict as something that is negative, or even dangerous. As a result, we learn to avoid or prematurely terminate conflict in order to return to a place of psychological comfort and well-being. While these are natural fight and flight responses to be expected, they do not allow conflict to fulfill its most positive purposes in our lives. Conflict is simply defined as any degree of difference in perspectives, ideas, interests, or values. Conflict can be loosely identified with experiences that involve a dispute, social tension, ideological differences, competing ideas, or incompatible styles. We deal with 4 main types of conflict, which includes:
- Conflict Within Ourselves
- Conflict With Others
- Conflict of Ideas
- Conflict With Society
This article proposes that any form of conflict is important and that its true purposes are ultimately problem-resolution and positive growth. This article specifically argues that conflict is healthy and important for our relationships and personal development.
Conflict can be likened to the eruption cycle of a volcano. It begins to rumble and sends smoke and ashes into the atmosphere before inevitably erupting. While the eruption may be terrible and destructive, it relieves tension within the earth; the lava expands the land; and, the newly deposited ash and rock create fertile ground, which makes way for new life and garden-like beauty. This is how conflict can be used in our lives. So, 9 healthy purposes for conflict are outlined below. These purposes are as follows:
- Conflict is Necessary
- Conflict is Inevitable
- Conflict is a Stop Sign
- Conflict is a Warning
- Conflict is an Alarm
- Conflict is a Test
- Conflict Leads to Change
- Conflict Fosters Maturity
- Conflict Brings Peace
Each healthy purpose for conflict is detailed below.
Conflict is Necessary
Like it or not, we need conflict. Conflict is neither an evil nor an inconvenience but is a necessary part of our life cycle. Without conflict, we would not develop into healthy people capable of solving random problems and resolving future conflict. This point is further elaborated in many of the reasons below.
Conflict is Inevitable
Conflict is not only necessary, it is also inevitable. Simply put, it is bound to happen. Conflict is likely to occur in every relationship, every new endeavor, every life-change, or any societal shift. Since conflict is a natural part of our engagement of the world and others, we should not avoid it. Instead, we need to accept conflict, embrace conflict, and ultimately resolve the conflict. However, the first step to resolving conflict is to anticipate it.
Conflict is a Stop Sign
Conflict is often a sign that something is not working well. The minute we sense conflict, we should STOP and reflect on the problematic relationship, or STOP to examine failed processes or STOP to consider a new strategy, or STOP to prevent any further pain and heartache. Conflict is a STOP sign. And, much like a stop sign, it provides a red flag of caution in the face of potential danger.
Conflict is a Warning
Conflict may serve as a warning. It can sometimes signal trouble on the horizon. For example, constant conflict among family or team members is a sign that there is deep-seated tension that will ultimately lead to a falling out if the underlying issues are not addressed. Let’s consider an infection in the body. The infection may manifest as a variety of symptoms; however, those symptoms are really just tell-tale signs of an infection, which is the root cause. If we only fight the symptoms, the infection will only worsen, which will lead to more severe symptoms. Much in the same way, the conflict is only a symptom that warns of a more serious issue. We can dissect the conflict in order to resolve its underlying causes.
Conflict is an Alarm
Conflict can also be an alarm. In this regard, conflict can serve as a wake-up call to real problems in a relationship. Conflict may also serve as a fire alarm to let you know that the relationship is in peril. The point here is that conflict alerts us to the fact that there are real problems that need to be dealt with in order for the relationship or system to function well. If we ignore the conflict, then we may walk into trouble.
Conflict is a Test
Conflict is always a test of our resolve. It creates the kind of pressure that may determine if our ability to push through the challenges of a relationship, our ability to direct professional processes, our worthiness for leadership, or our ability to protect others. Also, conflict, carefully observed, may help us to discern the character traits of the parties involved in the conflict. Conflict tests our ability to push past challenges to reach goals. In this sense, relationships, opportunities, organizational memberships, and teams hold very little value and authenticity without the test of conflict.
Conflict Leads to Change
Conflict is a transformation chamber. Where there is conflict, there will inevitably be change. Every person, relationship, or process that enters the corridor of conflict will be eventually transformed by it. In fact, conflict is necessary for change. The primary engine for drives conflict toward positive change is purposeful confrontation. For example, couples will need to argue every now and then in order to establish healthy agreed-upon norms for the relationship. Ambitious employees will have to face superiors to present new ideas, obtain a raise, request money to fund programs and to earn the promotion to a higher position. Parents and other caring adults have to discipline children in order to guide them toward more positive growth and learning outcomes. And, consequences are used to address and ultimately change behavior. In short, conflict should be accepted as a change and improvement factor.
Conflict Fosters Maturity
We mentioned above that conflict is a test and also a mechanism for change. Conflict is also a powerful growth agent that can be used to foster maturity and wisdom through experience. From a very early age, children engage in play so that they may learn to manage difficult emotions and to resolve conflict with their peers. This process continues well into adolescence and adulthood. As we experience new relationships and systems. we constantly negotiate a variety of conflicts, which, in turn, helps us to grow and develop healthy habits and relationships.
Conflict Brings Peace
Above all else, conflict brings the opportunity for peace and understanding. Not only is conflict inevitable, but it also may lead to underlying tension, which may lead to more intense problems. The problems may include failed relationships, physical fights, divorce, work firings, dissolved partnerships, or civil war. Peace comes only when conflict is purposefully addressed and ultimately resolved. The good news is that future conflicts are better-resolved by experienced individuals who are accustomed to solving problems and resolving conflicts. So, identify the conflicts in your life, ask how these conflicts may benefit you, then begin resolving the conflicts.
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