By Dr Z.

Imagine this statement:  “Aw man, I have been duped, again!”  This is the statement of a person that has been taken advantage of one too many times.  Such a person wears a target on their back that reads “Pick me! I am an easy mark.” This person is easily manipulated.  The tragedy is, such people usually have no clue as to when they are being manipulated and why. This will ultimately be problematic in both personal and professional relationships and may have even manifested in your own life.  In a related article, we help our readers to recognize the warning signs of a manipulator.  The purpose of this article is to help you identify 8 red flags that you are easily manipulated and to provide powerful tips to stop manipulators in their tracks.

1. You say yes too often.

It is okay to go with the flow at times.  However, people who are easily manipulated go with the flow almost all of the time.  It could be that they are free-spirited and open-minded. But, it is more likely that they are too agreeable.  They say yes too often.  As a result, they are very easily manipulated.  People who never say no, will never gain the ability to sense and avoid unpleasant circumstances and manipulative people. It is healthy to say no, especially in situations where manipulators require an intense commitment on your part. Saying yes too often may seem nice, but it is often destructive to one’s self-esteem and quality of life. Also, saying yes too often can actually be your own manipulative attempt to win friends and social approval, which will ultimately backfire.  

Solution:  If you want to avoid being manipulated, start by saying no; and, say it often.

2. You say yes too soon.

People who are easily manipulated tend to say yes too quickly.   This is related to the tendency to say yes too often; only, in this case, there is a hair-trigger for approval-seeking.  People who say yes too soon are eager to please and usually end up agreeing to arrangements before they have gotten all of the details.  Manipulators rely on this tendency because they want to unload their burdens quickly onto an easily manipulated mark.

Solution: Before quickly agreeing to the next request, take the time to think about it.  Feel free to use statements such as:

• “Let me think about it.”
• “I need a lot more time and information”
• “I am not sure if that is possible.”
• “I have to check with others. ”

At the very least, you will have slowed the manipulator’s momentum and bought yourself time to say no.  At most, the manipulator gets the message that you are not so easily manipulated.

3. You are the number one go-to person for favors.

It is great to be a reliable person.  However, people who are easily manipulated are too reliable.  They are the constant marks for favors, such as borrowed supplies, covered shifts,  emergency rides, quick fixes, or loans for cash. If you are this person, then you are a walking one-stop-shop for anything and everything that manipulators need or want.  Worst off, this makes you the target for multiple manipulators, who will swoop in, like vultures, for their share of favors.

Solution: Start telling favor-seekers you have other commitments.  This would be true, as your biggest and most important commitment is your own well-being.  This will let them know that their desires and interest are very low on your priority list.

4. You always agree to unpleasant arrangements.

People who are easily manipulated do not self-preserve very well.  They have a tendency to agree to unpleasant arrangements that put them at a disadvantage.  Somehow, they always end up being the designated driver, taking the longer shift, doing the dirtiest job, or sharing out most of their valuables.  This pattern of unpleasant (and sometimes predatory) arrangements have long-term social and emotional consequences.  

Solution: It is important to listen very carefully to the arrangements being proposed by manipulators, and take time to think before making a decision. Run the proposal by a few impartial persons before making the agreement.  If several other people tell you that the arrangement is bad for you, then gracefully decline. The manipulators may repeat their requests again and again before eventually moving on.

5. You regret your decisions and agreements.

People who are easily manipulated feel the pain immediately after entering agreements with manipulators.  They often feel uneasiness and resentment after making agreements, because their gut feeling tells them that something is off.  Painfully, this is discovered when they encounter better deals after the fact. Unfortunately, manipulators are good at making it seem as if their arrangement is the only viable option.  Manipulators are also good at finalizing agreements so that they seem irreversible.  

Solution: If you are easily manipulated to the point of regretting decisions, you can empower yourself with this statements such as:

• There is always a better option.
• Every option can be modified
• I can terminate the deal if I choose to.
• What is in this for me?

Once you are aware and empowered by these beliefs, manipulators will have a harder time pushing their agenda.   

6. You feel guilty when you stand up for yourself.

Even people who are easily manipulated get tired of it.  When this happens, they may take a stand. Good for them.  The problem is, they start feeling guilty for standing up for themselves.  They begin to wonder if they did the right thing and start contemplating on what they will lose as a result of standing up for themselves.  Manipulators are good at detecting this inner-conflict and will move in for the kill, usually by pouring on the emotional blackmail.

Solution: There is one simple solution:  STOP FEELING GUILTY!! When you stand up for yourself, keep standing. Manipulators will not only move on, they will respect you tremendously.

7. Manipulators always seem to “predict” your thoughts, feelings, and ideas.

Manipulators are very slick and persuasive.  They seem to be really good at “predicting” the inner thoughts, feelings, and motives of those who are easily manipulated. Somehow, they seem to know exactly what merchandise to sell you, what shift you would prefer to work, the kind of favor you are willing to carry out, or the fact that you love babysitting their children.  When this happens, manipulators are not actually predicting, but are instead strongly suggesting your preferences and ideas to influence you in their favor. Basically, you are being told what to do, how to feel, and what to think by the manipulators.  

Solution: When you hear such manipulative suggestions, you can guard against them with very clear and concrete clarifications. You can say things like:

• “No, I actually prefer not to have that for lunch.”
• “No, I know exactly which item I would like to buy..”
• “No, I will not be able to cover you for your shift.”  
• “No, I did not plan on babysitting that day.”
• “No, that was not what I was thinking at all.”
• “No, I cannot lie for you.”
• “No, I disagree!”

Notice the first word at the beginning of each of these clarifying statements. Manipulators will get the message.

8. You always take on others’ priorities and perspectives over your own.

People who are easily manipulated tend to take on the priorities and perspectives of the manipulators. They seem to lose their voice and virtually become invisible in the manipulation dance. Manipulators are good at downplaying the needs and desires of others and are even better at getting their own needs met.  Manipulators are also good at eliciting self-doubt in their target.

Solution: There are many possible solutions to this particular problem, but there is one that is sure to work while preserving your self-esteem. You can disagree with the manipulators; move forward with your agenda or top priorities, and do not explain yourself to the manipulator.

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