By Dr. Z

Many people are prone to being bullied.  Meet Dr Lynn, a young medical resident who attends the first orientation meeting of her residency at a major teaching hospital.  She encounters Dr. Ban, a more seasoned resident at the hospital who seems to be sizing her up.  Dr. Ban is sitting at the beginning of an aisle that has the last remaining seat in the conference hall.  As Dr. Lynn approaches, she softly whispers to Dr. Ban “please excuse me” in an attempt to get to the seat.  Dr. Ban ignores her, does not move, and shushes her to imply that she is being noisy and disruptive. Dr. Lynn decides to stand for the 2-hour orientation so as to avoid confrontation.  Dr. Ban not only won her bid to control Dr. Lynn, but also the bullying relationship is now established. Dr. Ban is now well-positioned to bully Dr. Lynn out of supplies, lab-space, and other resources in the future.

Bullying is an age-old problem.  Moreover, bullying can happen to almost anyone, even the most powerful among us.  In fact, there are entire races of people who were nearly bullied out of existence.  So, it is not uncommon for any of us to have encountered a bully at one point or another.  However, there are individuals who are more easily bullied than others. The best way to stop bullies is not to be an easy target. The aim of this article is not to identify easy victims of bullying.  Instead, we aim to EMPOWER people who no longer wish to be bullied. We hope to do this by providing EMPOWERing insight and strategies to neutralize bullying in the future. With this in mind, we highlighted the following 8 reasons that a person can be easily bullied:

1. You may not be aware of bullying
2. You Lack Self-Advocacy Skills
3. You Lack Confidence
4. You Have no Voice
5. You are socially Isolated
6. You are Socially Invisible
7. You Allow It
8. You Fear Confrontation

These 8 reasons are discussed below.

1. You May Not Be Aware of Bullying

Some people are bullied because they are not aware that they are being bullied.  However, ignorance is not bliss in this case. Bullying will impact your social and personal well-being whether you are aware of it or not.  Let’s think of the example of a school bullying victim who unknowingly wears a sign on his back that insults him. He may not know why people are laughing, but he is still being insulted, and the social consequences are long-lasting.   In order for you to be EMPOWERed against bullying, you have to be aware of what bullying is and know the signs. We have entire articles devoted to identifying signs and forms of bullying. But, here are some basic things to look for:

1. Bullies tend to warm up to the bullying situation with cynicism, passive aggression,  and undermining behavior.
2. Bullies may tend to target and test potential victims with excessive taunts and mean-spirited jokes.
3. Bullying can also be recognized when the bully is more overtly aggressive with people who are less equally matched than they are. For example, a bully may be much more confrontational with a person of lower stature than they will ever be with a person of power.  
4. Bullies take pleasure in other causing people’s pain and misfortunes.

The main point here is to be more aware of bullying in order to prevent or stop it.

2. You Lack Self-Advocacy Skills

Self-advocacy is the ability to stand up for yourself and get your needs met.  This is a skill that is typically learned during early childhood, and honed through over a lifetime of maturity.  However, people who are easily bullied do not have this skill. This shows up in many ways. For example, there may be an inability to say no to unpleasant circumstances, or an inability to request or demand the things that are essential to your well-being and survival.  The good news is that it is not too late to develop self-EMPOWERment skills.  You can practice now with one word against the bully:  STOP!!  

3. You Lack Confidence

Confidence refers to your ability to trust yourself in difficult situations.  Having confidence means that you know you have the faith, knowledge, strength, and resources to prevail when tested.  When you lack confidence, your demeanor reflects your uncertainty, especially during tough circumstances. Bullies are experts at spotting people who lack confidence, sometimes within seconds of meeting them.  Once identified, the individual with low confidence is immediately exploited. You can bully-proof your self with the following easy steps:

1. One step in building confidence is to feed your spirit. This requires that you believe in a power greater than yourself. Spiritual strength goes a long way in giving you the power to cope with real-world challenges.  
2. Another step is to feed your mind. Increase your knowledge, particularly about difficult situations and people who you have encountered. Knowledge is power, and the more you have, the greater your resolve.
3. Last, build your body. The goes beyond just eating well and exercising to improve your health, but also improve your appearance.  A strong and healthy body is likely to lead to the kind of self-confidence that stops bullies in their tracks.

People can see confidence through everything from your positive attitude to your posture. Also, bullies are especially fearful of confident people and will retreat upon the first encounter. So, build your confidence and wear it like a bully proof vest.

4. You Have No Voice

This one is simple.  People who are not willing to speak up may as well wear a “bully me” target.  This concept goes beyond self-advocacy, because you do not necessarily need to speak up for just yourself.  Having a voice refers to the need to address concerns, share ideas, contribute to important projects, vote in important processes, call out injustice, and advocate for others.  There are entire groups of people who are bullied by organizations because they are not willing to speak out against oppressive conditions. When people become silent and complacent for important matters, they lose their ability to create change.  Bullies thrive in this complacent atmosphere, and will even intensify their bullying efforts. So, be sure that your voice is heard on any important matter.

5. You Are Socially Isolated

Bullies are like predators in the wild.  They identify potential prey using very distinct criteria.  Much, like prey in the wild, victims of bullying are usually isolated from the larger group.  Bullies do not target people who have social support. They do not like to be outnumbered.  So, bullies usually combine two important strategies. First, they team up with others to make bullying a norm.  Second, they isolate victims who are alone and do not have a lot of support.  In this regard, you can avoid bullying simply by not being alone. Team up with like-minded individuals who appreciate you and will stand by your side in the face of opposition.  Likewise, consider partnering up with others who are socially isolated to create a support group. Remember that bullies are repelled by large numbers.

6. You Are Socially Invisible

Being invisible is not the same as being alone.  You may be in a large group and may have friends; however, you are still invisible because you are seldom acknowledged by others. No one knows or cares about your story, and no one hears or invests in your ideas. You seem to be forgettable, replaceable, and, your absence goes unnoticed.  This is an important feature for bullies because they know that bullying a person who is socially invisible will not create outrage. Bullies are cowards that will never act out against highly visible and highly valued targets.  One sure way to become more visible is to behave positively with the individuals around you.  Be willing to team up and work well with others; vocalize gratitude for even the smallest deeds from others; hold doors with smiles and greetings; send cards when appropriate, and encourage others. These are simple but powerful behaviors that will build the kind of positive visibility that will keep bullies away. 

7. You Allow Bullying

People who allow bullying are more easily bullied than anyone else.   This may be the case because allowing bullying could be perceived by others to be an acceptance or willing participation in bullying.  This point is not meant to be hurtful or to blame the victims. Instead, we aim to empower individuals against bullying by providing common sense logic. If you allow someone to bully you without consequences, the bullying will only escalate to levels that are difficult to stop.  For example, the bully may find more inventive ways to bully that involves increasing the intensity of bullying, using deception to hide the bullying, enlisting others in the bullying, and portraying the victim as the aggressor in the bullying relationship.  At some point, other people observing the bullying will come to accept it because you have allowed it. The best way to disallow bullying is through confrontation, which brings us to the final reason.

8. You Fear Confrontation

People who do not fear confrontation enjoy a special freedom from bullying.  There are simple ways to confront bullies. First, be mindful of who the bullies are long before they approach you.  Remember that awareness and knowledge are important weapons against bullies. Also, be mentally prepared for confrontation.  Be ready to stake your position and draw boundary lines in the sand. This can simply be done with simple statements like NO!! STOP!! and BACK-OFF!!  Also, be sure to top off the confrontation with the bully by reporting the bullying. There is a word of caution here. Confrontation and whistle-blowing has consequences. But remember, people who are not afraid to confront and report bullies are in a much better position to neutralize bullies.

Featured Image by Brooke Lark on Unsplash