The EMPOWERed Life: 10 Simple but POWERful Ways to Overcome a Hard Life

By Dr. Z.

You may have had a hard life.  Perhaps you were the product of dysfunctional parenting, which led to a childhood fraught with unnecessary hardship.  Or, maybe you were the target of childhood bullying, wherein you were the mark for mistreatment, insults, and physical violence by other children.  Or, maybe you grew up in an alcoholic or drug-abusing home where little concern was given to your needs.   Or, perhaps you grew up in foster care, always wondering what a happy normal family life is.  Or, maybe your hardships came during adulthood through early or single parenting, substance use, difficult financial circumstances, abusive relationships, workplace bullying, or divorce.   No matter what you have gone through, we believe that you can be EMPOWERed with simple behavioral health solutions.  In this article, we outline 10 very simple but POWERful ways that will help you to overcome past and present difficult life circumstances.   These strategies are as follows:

1. Let go of the past.
2. Change the Scene.
3. Change your thinking.
4. Change your habits.
5. Forgive, but remember.
6. Focus on the present.
7. Seek role models and mentors.
8. Laugh, a lot!
9. Love yourself and others.
10. Believe in a brighter future.

These strategies are explained below

1. Let go of the past.

The easiest way to launch into the future is to let go of the past.  It is like an arrow.  The arrow does not launch unless the archer lets go of the feathered fletching at the end of the arrow.  The point is, once you let go of the past, your life will launch forward, just like that arrow.  Do not continue to wallow in the pain of the past.  Let go of the drama, the hate, the resentment, the petty competition, the vicious ugly cycles, and the hurt.  These vices will only trap you at the bottom of the mud pit and drown you in more sorrow.  Let go of the past, and watch your life propel forward into a wonderful and EMPOWERed future.

2. Change the scene.

Changing your scene is another powerful way to overcome a hard life.  This is a 2-part process that involves (1) changing your surroundings and (2) changing your company.  In the past, you may have lived in squalor and may have been surrounded by miserable people with bad habits.  However, this does not have to be your future.  You can change the scene simply by deciding to be in a place where you are surrounded by positive upwardly growing friends.  For example:

1. An alcoholic can replace the bar full of habitual drinkers with a social support group attended by sober successful peers.
2. Individuals whose friends tend to put them down can surround themselves with people who compliment them genuinely care about their well-being.
3. An individual with a cheating partner can replace this partner with someone who loves and is deeply committed to them.
4. A person living in poverty can choose to travel to places where people live comfortably, which may give them the information, contacts, and resources that they need to move out of poverty.

The point is, in many cases, you can EMPOWER yourself and overcome a difficult life simply by changing the scene.

3. Change your thinking

We want to be clear that your difficult life circumstances may not have been your fault and may have been completely out of your control.  Despite this, we also believe that you can be EMPOWERed by taking control of your thoughts, which will ultimate improve your life.  Instead of replaying the negative thoughts of the dreary present and memories of the dead past, imagine a beautiful and positive life right now.  You, your lifestyle, and your loved ones will ultimately become what you think.  So negative and sorrowful thinking will ultimately lead to a negative life with recurring consequences.  On the other hand, positive thinking will lead to immediate positive changes, which will lead to a positive future.

4. Change your habits

While changing your thinking is one positive step in the right direction, it is not enough.  Difficult life circumstances are often perpetuated by bad habits that you may not be aware of.  For example:

1. Past abuse may have turned you into a people pleaser, which makes you a doormat and further perpetuates abuse.
2. The pain of a terrible past relationship causes you to be so defensive and reactive that you continually ruin what could have been good relationships.
3. You want to end an addiction, but poor habits lead to triggers, which leads to relapse.

In order to move past the hard life cycle, you will need to take action.  You will need a brand new set of positive behaviors that build you up as a person and EMPOWER your life.  You will need to change your habits from the old dysfunctional patterns of behavior to new ones.  For example, you can start with the following simple habit changes:

1. Get in the habit of befriending people who have your best interest at heart and get rid of the losers.
2. Get in the habit of carrying out important tasks early and quickly to replace procrastination.
3. Get in the habit of paying bills in the right amount before the due date to avoid mounting financial consequences of late payments.
4. Get in the habit of saying no when people overwhelm you.
5. Get in the habit of setting hard limits when people cross your boundaries.
6. Get in the habit of taking action, such as reading this article, to improve your mind, body, spirit, and relationships.

5. Forgive but remember

Another way to overcome the dysfunctional past is to forgive those who have caused you pain.  Dr. Z’s psychological law of forgiveness is this: Forgiveness relieves the pain of an offense and gives you POWER over the offender.   Forgiveness is also a way to inoculate yourself against the psychological pain of the past.  Think of forgiveness as a powerful emotional home remedy that stops an infection and relieves pain.  When you hold on to an offense, and continue to resent the offender, you re-open the wound and re-inflict the pain on yourself over and over again.  The wound eventually gets infected and re-infected, and the cycle of hate, resentment, and anger never ends, unless you end it with forgiveness.  On the other hand, when you forgive, you build your emotional immune system against the offense and put an end to the emotional pain.  So, you must forgive your offenders.  However, you have to be careful not to forget your offenders, for you may run into these type of people in the future.  Nevertheless, when you do encounter the offenders, you will be emotionally EMPOWERed in your dealings with them having forgiven and outgrown all of the offenders of the past.

6. Focus on the present.

There is no better time or place than the present.  Move past the pain of the past and avoid worrying about the uncertain future by focusing on the here and now.  Do the things today that will make the bitter past history, such as forgiving others and letting go.  Also, do the things today that will make for a positive tomorrow, such as saving money, eating healthy, or exercising.  The point is, the present is the most POWERful time in your life.  your EMPOWERing actions today will not only alleviate the pain of the past, but will also prevent the pain of the future.  So,  be in the present.

7. Seek role models and mentors.

You cannot fight the good fight on your own. Don’t kid yourself.   If you really want to put your pain in the past and move toward a positive future, then you will need to seek out people who understand the path to EMPOWERment.   It is helpful to surround yourself with mature, successful, and positive-minded people who not only have experience, but also a whole lot of sense.  You need role models and mentors.  The good news is this; good role models and mentors are all around you.  It is natural for us to want to befriend and surround ourselves with people who are just like us.  The problem is that these friends also share our issues and cannot offer healthy solutions.  You are likely to model the same unhealthy patterns for one another.  If you grew up in a dysfunctional household, it is highly unlikely that your parents and siblings hold the key to an EMPOWERed life. People who are drowning cannot teach you how to swim.  It is the blind leading the blind.  A better option is to find people who already live EMPOWERed lives to guide you on that path.   Consider the following examples:

1. If you are about to get married and have a strong family history of divorce, seek out older well-married people who can guide your path to marital success.  
2. If you are the first in your family to go to college, pursue a profession, or start a business, befriend and learn from well-educated successful professionals and entrepreneurs.  
3. If you can neither find nor contact anyone that exemplifies any of your goals, take a class.  
4. If you want to quit using substances for good, then seek out a sobriety partner who can hold you accountable.  

The most important thing here is that you learn from people who can model and mentor success in life.  It is even better if these mentors and role models understand where you come from and what you have been through.

8. Laugh, a Lot!

Laughter truly is good medicine.  People who can laugh at themselves are not only better able to endure pain, but are also more likely to quickly move past the pain.  Humor not only lends itself to good character, but also lightens the burden of the trials that we all face in life.  Being able to see the humor in otherwise difficult circumstances changes our perspective to the point of seeing the positive aspects of those circumstances.  Also, laughter is confirmation of the truth.  So, when we laugh at a joke or laugh with our friends, we are sharing truth in a way that allows us to better deal with harsh realities.   In this spirit, laughter can EMPOWER us to lighten our load, move past painful experiences, see the world differently, and lift up others.  So laugh and laugh a lot, for laughter is POWER.

9. Love yourself and others.

One of the greatest and most POWERful forces in the known universe is the love we have for one another.  If we were to personify love. she would be a caring mother, and her children would be forgiveness, selflessness, understanding, kindness, patience, and sharing.   Any of these actions are powerful demonstrations of love that can move your life forward.   We want to EMPOWER you by encouraging you to love as many people as you can in as many ways as you can.  Also, do not forget to love your self, for this is the most EMPOWERing kind of love

10. Believe in a brighter future

Finally, you can EMPOWER your life by having faith and believing in the POWERful and positive life that you are striving for.   The future is bright, no matter what you have been through and what you are going through.  Keep planning and keep believing in a brighter future as you continue to put your hard life behind you.